and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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