So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize