I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
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I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
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I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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