Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(208): View more from Idaho

I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.

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(208): I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to. http://tfl.nu/m80m

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(801): View more from Utah

My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv

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(801): My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv http://tfl.nu/1bcq

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(530): View more from California

shit pants at work. discarded underwear.

(1-530): View more from California

just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?

(530): View more from California

yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.

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(530): shit pants at work. discarded underwear. (1-530): just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now? (530): yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye. http://tfl.nu/oxzl

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(954): View more from Florida

I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"

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(954): I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies" http://tfl.nu/cnee

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(631): View more from New York

I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?

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(631): I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful? http://tfl.nu/fnv5

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(609): View more from New Jersey

So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.

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(609): So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife. http://tfl.nu/c5bq

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(954): View more from Florida

I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M

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(954): I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M http://tfl.nu/v1d0

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(366): View more from

just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.

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(366): just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her. http://tfl.nu/eijl

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(845): View more from New York

I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!

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(845): I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/6xbj

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(443): View more from Maryland

the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20

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(443): the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20 http://tfl.nu/oq26

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(707): View more from California

At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.

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(707): At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve. http://tfl.nu/oxx2

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(419): View more from Ohio

Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.

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(419): Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/o1pz

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(813): View more from Florida

Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries

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(813): Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries http://tfl.nu/fs2y

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(509): View more from Washington

The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.

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(509): The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks. http://tfl.nu/w0s1

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(517): View more from Michigan

I learned so much about myself in that shower.

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(517): I learned so much about myself in that shower. http://tfl.nu/jhiq

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