Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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