i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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