if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize