It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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