I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
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Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
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Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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