did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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