Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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