Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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