:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
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I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
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I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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