WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You dont lie about slip and slides
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
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Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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