Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
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The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
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I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize