I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
At least life still wants to fuck me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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