Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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