So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize