life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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