I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize