He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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