he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
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I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Drunk is not a location!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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