he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
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I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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