Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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