but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Every concussion has its silver lining
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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