dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize