So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
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My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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