i need an iv and a liver transplant
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
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four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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