My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize