I looked at my own cervix.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
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Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize