I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
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The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
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You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Shame - the story of my life.
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