I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
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I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We are two peas in an std pod
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
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It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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