everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
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Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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