I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
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There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
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I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just forgot I was standing up.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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