She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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