Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize