Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
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I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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