I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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