omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize