You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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