btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
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You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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