Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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