I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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