They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
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I just blew my weed a kiss
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
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There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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