i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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