fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize