Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
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That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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