I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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