I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize