If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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